somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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