Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Are we still banned from the library?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
