I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
