The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
