Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
