My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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