doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
