I wish I could punch you in the face.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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