I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
