So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Randomize
