i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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