I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
