rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
