He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
All the doctor said was why
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize