I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
