my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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