I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
