We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
