Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
