ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
