we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
