Will you blow on my dice?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
