if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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