I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
