Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
