Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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