Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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