Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
