And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
