I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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