Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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