Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
