How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
