drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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