Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
