i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
