I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
