after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
