There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
