Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
