Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
