remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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