and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
