Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
