you dipped you banana in queso last night.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He has the fingertips of a God
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