i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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