I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
