I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
