and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
