And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
