Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
What a dumb baby whore.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
