the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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