dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
