The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
