I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
