HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
