so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
