What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
