If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
