We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
