Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
