I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
