Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
