i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
