Can i not drive my cunt home
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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