I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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