Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
