peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
