i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
