ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
