I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
