I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
that may or may not have been my penis.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
