i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
