I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I touched a dick in church today
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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