Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
