I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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