Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
