is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
