Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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