If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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