My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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