Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
