just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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