Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I FOUND THE LEGS
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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