Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
