Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
