There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
