why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Are we still banned from the library?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
