I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
