My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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