i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
