shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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