Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i barfeds in our rink
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
