we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
