I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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