my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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