I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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