i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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