God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
