my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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